Things are starting to settle down, and even though we aren’t back into our apartment, life is starting to get back to normal. Babyface is headed to work tomorrow, and I said, “What am I supposed to do tomorrow?” and he said, “Do what you would normally do on a Saturday.” Nothing feels normal about a weekend when your home is not livable. But he is right. There is nothing we can do now but to get back to normal life—at least as normal as possible.
I’m sure you are all curious about our current living situation and all the dirty details of our big, scary storm. I’m sure I’ll share all the details of Wednesday night and the following days at some point in the future. But right now, the important thing to know is that Babyface, Puppyface and I are all safe and comfortable. And have temporary housing that we can use until our place is fixed.
But instead of details, I really need to talk about emotions. Feelings. You know, the yucky girly stuff.
I think I’ve hit pretty much every emotion possible over the past two days. I can’t believe it has only been two days. It feels like a month has passed by. I consider myself a pretty level-headed person, but there were points during the last 48 hours that I didn’t even recognize myself. Nothing like a little natural disaster to bring out the best and the worst in someone.
At first, of course, it was fear. And then total shock. And then the most overwhelming gratitude I’ve ever felt. And then immediately after that, total panic as it sets in. After that, a heavy dose of frustration, mixed with some confusion and impatience. And then the guilt. Overwhelming guilt. And more gratitude. And feelings of inadequacy and being unworthy. And some more gratitude.
And now, tonight, I seem to have landed in a nice big heaping puddle of sadness.
I’m sad that Puppyface is staying at her favorite cage-free daycare/boarding place. Purely selfishness, but I want her here. I miss her so badly and I want my entire family together. But, being where she is comfortable and with people and dogs giving her the attention she needs is the best place she can be.
I’m sad that all of my belongings are crammed into two rooms. I liked my living room and we literally had to gut it in 30 minutes.
I’m sad that a damned, wimpy EF1 tornado managed to ruin my favorite weekend of the year. It is the weekend of the Indianapolis 500. Usually by this time, I’d be giddy. Now, I’m not even sure I’ll enjoy the race I love so much (yes, we are still going).
I’m sad that we had to throw out our couch. I loved that couch. It was red. And Babyface and I could both snuggle on it and take a nap together. God, how petty is that? Complaining about losing a stupid piece of furniture when people lost their entire world in other parts of the country?
I’m sad for other people. I’m sad for my upstairs neighbors. And anyone who has ever had to deal with a natural disaster.
I’m sad that I’m not happier. I know I’m supposed to be all “I am just happy no one is hurt,” and believe me I am. But that doesn’t magically erase the suck that goes along with dealing with a tornado.
I’m sad that all the news stations are reporting that our apartment complex had “minor damage”. I didn’t see those reporters helping people in the upstairs apartments carry out their stuff because there was no roof over their home. Where were they when those people got told by their insurance adjusters that it is a total loss? Or the people without insurance became hysterical? There is nothing “minor” about this from the inside.
I’m sad that my favorite place to take Puppyface on hikes was pretty much destroyed.
I’m sad for a whole heapload of other reasons.
I know I am normally all bright-side of life here, but right now I am really, really not feeling it. Honestly, the positives out of this whole thing are few and far between. But let’s have a go at it:
- As much as I loved our old couch, buying a new one should be fun.
- I was forced to clean out my refrigerator.
- We get to repaint our living room for a fun change of pace (oh that, and they have to replace the drywall).
- My whole weather/tornado obsession was TOTALLY VALIDATED. No one is ever allowed to make fun of me for being skittish around severe weather again.
- Free food. Pretty much everywhere we look.
I know this post was whiney, ungrateful, and probably really annoying. Trust me, I know how lucky we were (are) and am incredibly humbled by everyone’s well wishes and offers of help. But mostly, I just want to go back to my normal life. Where a Saturday with nothing to do sounds blissful.